Letters to a Dead Friend, Week 4

Karan,

It has been a month since you left us. It may as well have been a year or a day, since your leaving feels ever-present and eternal. But I feel like returning to myself. I celebrated two years without drinking, played badminton and tennis. I visited your parents and I got back to work.

It was hard and strange watching the Top Gun sequel, which you so desperately wanted to see, at the same theater where we once went on a date. But it was still a fun evening. He's not you -- no one will ever be -- but he seems to be genuinely wise and kind. Life goes on for as long as we continue to hope.

--

Dear Karan,

So, there's a correspondent posting opening. I think I've decided to go for it. I don't know that I'll get it. 

Since you've gone, I find that I don't really want anything. You always thought I had my sights set on Chicago, and that's why it was okay that my hair was getting quite big. I'm a Midwesterner after all.

You never went for anything, R. said, though she helped you clean up your CV a few times over the years. This surprises me. I guess you were comfortable, though clearly you were not, to do what you did.

If you have gained powers up there, please do find a way to communicate what I should be doing right now.